Dec 31, 1998 - Jan 1, 1999

Overlapping waves

Milennium minus one and counting
Wishing you were here
Again or still
I don't know which
An hour since you made your toast
Blew your noise-maker
And kissed away your first resolution
A night I wish I hadn't missed.

Chicago minus one and counting
Somewhat glad I'm here
Although or in addition
I question what it's worth
Ushering in the hour with a lecture
The year with charming exposition
Skilled words and Amazing Grace
A night I wish I could have shared.

Frozen minus one and counting
Winter powerfully here
Good or bad
It hardly matters
Hours til I make my departure
Head for home
And hope you're there for my return
A night I wish was meant to be.

Fellowship minus one and counting
Not belonging here
Now or ever
I know it's just me
A year in which I'll make my toast
Blow my nose too often
And kiss away my last resolution
A night I wish would just get here, and be gone.



"The night I didn't party like it was 1999... I was listening to a lecture
about waves, chords, and music that was neat, and I don't remember much else."

December 30, 1998

My Trouble With Snoring

Two-oh-seven I awake
Two-oh-nine I hear it
Two-one-four I toss and turn
Two-one-nine I grumble
Two-two-five I plug my ears
Two-two-six I quit
Two-three-one I fuss and fume
Two-three-eight I stare skyward
Two-four-seven I make a pillow sandwich
Two-four-eight I still hear it all
Two-five-two I make my departure
Two-five-three all is silent
Four-oh-five I creep back in
Four-oh-six I recline
Four-oh-seven I close my eyes.
Why-oh-why must I do this?

December 29, 1998

Dar Dar Lisa

Nervous shudder of her eyes
shakes her whole Canadian head.
Dropping kudos like I care
and making me sick of her fast
I was wrong.
I thought she had nice hands.
Perpetual yammer of her lips
freaks my American spine out
Dropping verses like she knows
and making me wish 'd left early
I was right.
I am a magnet for "that type".

December 28, 1998

11:40 Western PA

Unplanned test of patience
Surrounded by wheels,
Flashing lights and rumblings
Waylaid with no excuse.
Ingested soda and oranges.
Yearning to be free.
Long and tedious wait
Tapping one foot.
Nowhere and nothing doing,
Wanting to be away
and finally gone.

December 27, 1998

My Grandmother Lies

Aged, abrupt, and inflexible,
My grandmother in her wisdom called it.
A change to Christmas, pick a name
One name, one gift, no more.
One year later, and see what's changed.
One rule, broken by the author.
Wise, stern, and pessimistic,
My grandmother shows her love again
In the only way she knows how
And we all get new pairs of sweatpants
And I get pockets in mine.

December 25, 1998

The warm Welcome Home

My genuine smile,
Her glowing voice
Seen and heard for the first time
Since Custer

The promise of unspoken words.
The hope of rehabilitation
Grasped at just like old times
Like always

Fire of immaturity,
Sparks of innocence
Rekindled by the curious affect
Of our whip.

Beams of pride
Rolls of joyous laughter
Splayed grandly on every bare surface
For near-heroes

December 25, 1998

Waiting for the inevitable, it comes
like we all knew.
This year a piece of crap ski pole
gets the brunt of the Christmas cheer,
Sadly becoming further ingrained
as a family tradition.
Slowly tearing away all memory of
Christmas future ideals, it burns.
Reluctantly giving to joyless faces,
Quietly thankful for no clothing,
Sometimes I wish I hadn't really
given a care
Sometimes I know I did something good.
The worse it gets, the more it
becomes a part of who I am,
Like a flaw in fine art.
Like a bad habit,
Just like home.

December 25, 1998

They All Know

Hardly containing the joy and the
giddiness caused by youthful aphrodesiac
foolishness, they have become the
family gossip. Hearing tales told out
of school, I form an opinion, mocking
and disconsolate. Oh, the folly of
youth. Time and again, I think
they should know better. How many
times must I say told you? Until
I hear the latest idle talk, and
I become the fool as they remind
me of all the warnings I failed
to heed.

Dec 24, 1998

Eve

Not listening for prancing and pawing,
We are in no rush to sleep.
After the last-minute hustle and bustle,
There are still "things" to be done.
Showing hints of the fussing and fuming,
Our father makes his way to bed.
Knowing we will be watching and waiting
We hardly anticipate tomorrow.
Our shoulders shivering and shaking,
We bundle against the cold within.
Aware of our waxing and waning,
We try to put on our best face.
Waiting for giving and getting,
We are in no rush.
Eating our cookies and milk,
We play Santa for noone but ourselves.

December 22, 1998

Getting Ready

Leaving quite a disaster behind,
Dashing off quicker than anything,
Having not a clue what it's all for,
I find myself overly concerned.

Absent-minded and recollecting,
One-track-minded and obsessive,
Like-minded companion far away,
I lose myself in meditative drivel

Scrolling down the want-ad page,
Searching for nothing in particular,
Wasting every moment of my day,
I feel as though the world is too large.

Obnoxious and eloquent,
Obsequious and dry,
Abrasive and consoling,
My departure draws ever-closer.

Dec 21, 1998

Hold My Hand

Tell me what we're doing
I'm the new guy
Haven't got a single callous on me
'Cause I haven't done a thing.

It's strange here, you know
But I really like it, trust me
No, I really do, I'd stay here...
If only could figure ou tthe rules

Same as always, me and you
At least it seems so here.
Half the time
I tink I'm someone else altogether

Far from fast asleep we listen
Hear each other's breath escape
Hold my hand, in silence lead me
Just between us two.

Dec 19, 1998

Like it Best

Anticipating the obvious
As if I'd never learned
Hoping for failure without reason;
Fearful of success, if that's the word.
Putting off 'til tomorrow what I should
Never have done in the first place.

he's not smiling...
You thought he was, but no.
Maybe you have more to learn than you thought.
Maybe there's nothing to know
Surely the thrill comes from weathering the frustration.

Dec 16, 1998

Stop

She says it like she means it and
she means it like she says.
And I have no idea what I am doing
Her heart is on her sleeve as much as
Her hair is on her head
And I am at a loss for I am color blind as well
It sparkles in her hand as it is tilted to the side
It matters more to her just that it's there
And I with pride am crushed just as I ought to be
She seems to think she is undeserving, but
She also knows the power that she's earned
And I as always think that I am right
And I as always know that I am wrong
And we as always say good-byes we know are not for long.

December 15, 1998

Hanukkah Number 3

Justice
Acorns of ambient delight
And worthwhile serenity
Just the thing
Just the place
But what to put in that sole bare corner

Melting
Tense vaccum for worry and care
With a fresh bag, good as new
Melt from heat
Melt from heart
And say you're sorry to spoil the floor

Restful
Knowing hands lacing intricate patterns of nerve ends
Never stopping long enough to lose the effect
Rest for the wicked
Rest of the day
Or 'til your common sense gets the better of you.

"from the hanging of lights and the great reward"

December 12, 1998

Bedtime

Bewildered and Clumsy I answered
You were there
And as always, you were sorry for something
I just wished I'd known quite what to say.

Fortunate or Lucky you told me
I was shocked
And floundering I sucked in my disbelief
You just held a tone too kind to read.

Nervous but Measured I read one
You were still
And with patience, you could hear my memory
I just knew you'd heard more than I'd said

Pleased, yet somehow not, you thanked me
I was weak
And reluctant, I closed the book too hard
You just couldn't hear the latest page

Bewildered and Clumsy I left you
You were there
And as always, I was sorry for everything
I just wished I'd said something I knew.