67/365 Shut Up, Unicorn
Shut up, unicorn!
One stupid horn and you think you're the greatest thing since sliced bread
Prancing around with your gleaming white coat
Shimmering in the moonlight and farting rainbows
Just a stupid mule with a horn
Seriously, it isn't as though that thing gets wi-fi or or anything...
What...
Wait, IT GETS WI-FI???
I hate you, unicorn.
No, wait. Don't go away.
Just, wait, just stand still for a minute.
Tilt your head like this. Hold on.
My email isn't done syncing.
Okay, now you can go pout in the corner
Shed a tear, and watch:
Some Harry Potter fan
Will inevitably attempt to collect it
And feed that tear to his dying grandmother
Thinking it will keep her alive forever
Superstitious fools.
You're just a crying horse. With a horn!
They'll never learn to be skeptics.
Not til you've impaled a couple more of them idiots
And it gets on national TV
And even then, your emotional imbalance
Your fits of rage and violence will
Only make you more of a legend!
You just keep prancing,
Prance away, stupid unicorn, the way you do.
Drop your technicolor manure in the middle of the street
Watch the children scurry to collect it like it's free candy
The housewives mix it in to their prize gardens
Impress all their neighbors
It's just horse poop.
Smells as bad as mine does, only my manure is just plain old brown
And nobody gives two shakes where I drop a turd
As long as I'm not flying over them at the time.
Rainbow feces. That can't be healthy.
Clearly your digestive system is in poor shape
Bacterial imbalance or hemorrhoids or some such.
Is that why you walk the way you do?
Why you prance around like some trained circus animal?
Like you're better than me?
Well go ahead and prance, then!
Prance all you like. You'll never leave the ground.
You're nothing special.
You don't have wings.
You can't fly.
You can't do anything.
I have wings.
I can fly.
I am a flying horse, for crying out loud!
They don't want to collect my tears, though.
No body thinks I'm magical or potentially fearsome.
Wild, I guess, and majestic, maybe, but mostly
I'm just some birdie horse they want to keep in a cage
Spray that glitter stuff all over me
Put a saddle on my back
And let screaming little girls in pink and tiaras go for a flying pony ride.
Every last one of them wants a ride on the pegasus
And maybe that's all I'm good for.
At least I'm good for something
But you,
You're just a stupid horse
with a horn.
One stupid horn and you think you're the greatest thing since sliced bread
Prancing around with your gleaming white coat
Shimmering in the moonlight and farting rainbows
Just a stupid mule with a horn
Seriously, it isn't as though that thing gets wi-fi or or anything...
What...
Wait, IT GETS WI-FI???
I hate you, unicorn.
No, wait. Don't go away.
Just, wait, just stand still for a minute.
Tilt your head like this. Hold on.
My email isn't done syncing.
Okay, now you can go pout in the corner
Shed a tear, and watch:
Some Harry Potter fan
Will inevitably attempt to collect it
And feed that tear to his dying grandmother
Thinking it will keep her alive forever
Superstitious fools.
You're just a crying horse. With a horn!
They'll never learn to be skeptics.
Not til you've impaled a couple more of them idiots
And it gets on national TV
And even then, your emotional imbalance
Your fits of rage and violence will
Only make you more of a legend!
You just keep prancing,
Prance away, stupid unicorn, the way you do.
Drop your technicolor manure in the middle of the street
Watch the children scurry to collect it like it's free candy
The housewives mix it in to their prize gardens
Impress all their neighbors
It's just horse poop.
Smells as bad as mine does, only my manure is just plain old brown
And nobody gives two shakes where I drop a turd
As long as I'm not flying over them at the time.
Rainbow feces. That can't be healthy.
Clearly your digestive system is in poor shape
Bacterial imbalance or hemorrhoids or some such.
Is that why you walk the way you do?
Why you prance around like some trained circus animal?
Like you're better than me?
Well go ahead and prance, then!
Prance all you like. You'll never leave the ground.
You're nothing special.
You don't have wings.
You can't fly.
You can't do anything.
I have wings.
I can fly.
I am a flying horse, for crying out loud!
They don't want to collect my tears, though.
No body thinks I'm magical or potentially fearsome.
Wild, I guess, and majestic, maybe, but mostly
I'm just some birdie horse they want to keep in a cage
Spray that glitter stuff all over me
Put a saddle on my back
And let screaming little girls in pink and tiaras go for a flying pony ride.
Every last one of them wants a ride on the pegasus
And maybe that's all I'm good for.
At least I'm good for something
But you,
You're just a stupid horse
with a horn.
posted by Christopher at 4:11 PM
The number of unmatched socks in this sock drawer is: 0. Add your own sock.
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