January 26, 1999


Quiet with Erin

Add one to our pair
Just one, and the rules change
Three adults who neither ask, nor tell.

Take away from this heap of food
Bit by bit, and feel the weight
Like three bears huddled over their porridge.

Fuss, fume, and roll our eyes
Learn something new, for the second time
Just the three of us plan to save the world.

Laugh, tell stories, and spill our minds
Without going certain places at all
Devouring each of three courses with ease.

One remains to see the others off
Just one, with a full belly
Amazed that in those three hours, nothing was said.

Jan 20, 1999


I´ve got Furniture

Unstated, but obvious
The reality of my present
Slaps me in the face with contradiction
We´re not.

Plans all-but-made
My future joy and photo album
Is pulled out from under me
We can't

Legs asleep on the kitchen floor.
Her vaccum of solace finds her
For a few crucial moments of knowing
We just are

Jan 15, 1999


To the Point

Honesty and comfort
Locked horn'to'horn
I twist them together
Hoping to make myself too dizzy to see

Life imitating life
Clinging to a slim chance
Without a prayer
Because I already know

Drawing it out
Longer with each touching moment
Passively losing my safety net
Seeing my ankles broken by boulders

Harder to think
Despite rational thought
Bending the strings from head to hands
Clearly confused, yet vivid

January 12, 1999


Doubt gets big

Unsteady, shaking form the ear on down.
She opens wide the door for escape
With uncertainty and fear.

I know better. I did this to myself.
The pain of knowing equals the joy of doing
without knocking of the knees.

Opportunity slammed in the face of God,
I choose the brightest star to follow
While ignoring the sun completely.

She asks all the right questions.
From guilt to truth and back again,
I spin my words to taste.

Plans ignored, rejected, and grabbed at,
My eardrums melt with deceit and joy.
When even the truth seems doubtful

Facts spinning off into the distance,
Emotions are played on and half-conquered,
Leaving the rest to senseless worry.

Jan 11, 1999


Why I went to Alyssa´s


Cold bites my ears
Small price to pay for comfort.
My shoes were left outside
Protecting a pristine floor

We both had work to do
We both knew better
We will be sorry tomorrow
We will be sorry five minutes ago

Her scent gets to me
She tells me she´s crazy
I bit her ear
She will have told me she liked it

I hoped to have promised a prompt departure
My bum was stuck to the seat
She´s got me by the hand and the heart
I would have never been planning to come

More didn´t happen than did
Something will surely become of it
We will have never mentioned it
It has been time to go for some time

Jan 9, 1999

In Again

Jolted into thankfulness, I
answer the window from the door
as if it were the greatest thing on earth.
In truth, it falls a close second
But who's counting?

More grateful for her return than
she will ever know, there is no time to
make myself presentable.
In silent avoidance of truth,
We pass the time casually

Maneuvering gracefully in the awkwardness,
My token nears the finish only to
return each time to somewhere in the
middle of the road.
In a moment, we will see the truth
In truth, we see more than any moment.

Jan 8, 1999

Stay


Trembling, earnestly searching for answers,
I've said the wrong thing.
You were right all along, you know;
I am making you miserable
My bluntness
My surprise, or yours
And whose slice of guilt do we share a fork to devour?

My new role has no words,
My heart no placid corner to be found
Not in this hour.
Not for you.
Missing half the pieces, we have
thrown together this jigsaw mess.
Who knew it could ever be so beautiful?
Which of us didn't expect it?
You lace up your shoes.
Don't run away, not alone.

Jan 7, 1999

It Lasts Until Tomorrow

Out of need or desire,
I stretch my finger out sharply,
Startling you with my impropriety.
Whining to life once again,
you do whatever it is that works,
whether you know why or not.
One hour of obsessive interruption,
I, falling silent, absorb comfort,
Feeding my addiction once more.
Breaking the rules I most hold dear,
You aren't even nudged by my feeble attempts,
Even though it's life or death to me
Daily, bits and secrets reveal themselves,
I am pleasantly surprised,
Saving each revelation for my next daydream.
Tending to concerns deepest within me,
You say just enough;
Soon there will be nothing between our hearts.

Jan 6, 1999

The way back


Snow-covered roads pave the way
for this noisy, packed bus.
So cautious not to slip yet so eager
to get back in time for dinner.

The danger before us makes the trip
what it is, and what it isn't.
The treachery of it all holds our interest
keenly attentive to each twist and turn.

Under the guise of everyday travel,
we brave this slippery slope
Upsetting the balance with each
barely-detected slide

Very close to death and at the same time
thrilled into palpitations
Voracious and listless,
we travel our fledgeling path in silence.

Jan 5, 1999


Reality, First-class

Duped into hope by no one
but myself
I callously give up my claim
to perfection
Without a white flag
I murmur
How can I turn tail

Seen for the one-sided fool that I am
I seem to shuffle only sideways

Squeamish as i slip into puddles of truth.

Jan 5, 1999


For Good Measure

Hand over hand
Pulling myself up as best I can
By my bootstraps

Mind over matter
Allowing myself to feel good, to be flattered
Without further adoe

Head over heels
Falling with flips, tumbles, and cartwheels
Toward certain peril

Aint over yet
Just getting good, but just how good can it get
Before the sky falls

Hand over hand
Savor the moment, and do it again
For good measure

Jan 1, 1999

Anxiety

Vaguely aware of peace,
my innards feel the need to invert themselves.
Jumping and swaying, knocking my knees,
this senseless fear forbids me to breathe.
Plenty to be worried about
None to be controlled
Even less that matters anyway
Just relax, and pretend you can.
Unaware of the urgency of anything,
how could I ever be cured?
Waking up to a friendly face, perhaps,
would only be cause for alarm
Not enough on the plate
Too much for one sitting
Far more than I've ever seen
Even though I'm blind.