Nov 17, 1998

My Recliner

Uncomfortable Satisfaction
Getting what I want
Now what do I do with this
Clever Distraction?

Always an alibi
Avoiding the problem
How many books must I pile up
With no light to read by?

Where has my worth gone
And from whom did the decision come
To send me jumping through hoops
With one leg to stand on?

Maintaining this facade.
A placebo effect for productivity
Prone to the world
Bitter, sore, and odd.

November 12, 1998

Compound Dilemma

Trapped in my own hands
Too late to be in control
Pounding, bitter panic
Feeling crazy, big, and small
Twisting, pacing, nervous and fast
Spinning for hours in sleepless grief
Senseless and overwhelming
So foolish
And soon-to-be-forgotten altogether
Soon-to-be-regret
Regret it already
And hoping that somewhere
She isn't shaking her head
Saying I should have known.

November 9, 1998

Two to one

Disappearing
Shape, stranger than we´d have thought
Lined and powerful
Lovely and disappearing

Exhaling with comfort
Drawn between firm hands and soreness
Pliable, warm, and appreciative
Onward, upward, exhaling

Weary and sleepy'eyed,
Jello in her words
Lovely in mine
Reciprocating joy for the weary

Proximal, warm, and most at ease
Thinly'veiled and dressed to be.
Shunning tradiiton, hope, and future
For all that is lonely, familiar, and proximal.

November 8, 1998

Layers

One thick
Maybe two
Transparent
Or not
Slipping and failing
Slipping and glad for thickness
Giving selflessly to get nothing
Appreciated nonetheless
Push and pull and say you're welcome
Bend and stretch and give relief
Truth in advertising
Bubbling up to the surface
And why not tonight
I know too well

Sliding away,
Placid and churning
And three layers thick
With holes wide and deep
And impassable
How easily we forget

From here, devotion
From there, concern
And hope for bitten lips
Four layers below this skin.

November 8, 1998

Layers

One thick
Maybe two
Transparent
Or not
Slipping and failing
Slipping and glad for thickness
Giving selflessly to get nothing
Appreciated nonetheless
Push and pull and say you're welcome
Bend and stretch and give relief
Truth in advertising
Bubbling up to the surface
And why not tonight
I know too well

Sliding away,
Placid and churning
And three layers thick
With holes wide and deep
And impassable
How easily we forget

From here, devotion
From there, concern
And hope for bitten lips
Four layers below this skin.

November 2, 1998

One-two-three

Deaf feet step awkwardly late,
beating a hasty retreat with little regret
While others more nimble and committed
arrive none too soon

Wild woman housewife painting the town
for five minutes of spontineity
Surprised mother of one, gone before
she was ever even there

And one
Timid, but not.
Unsure and hesitant and forgiving
And holding something back
Putting on a good show
For somebody,
But who?

Touch and go
Touch and don't
And never make a step for good or ill
And in the process
Never get anywhere
Without even trying
And walk away with shoues louder than usual