6/30 Osterhase takes a year off

It's not just the arthritis,

Though, that is part of it.

It's the exponential growth of the population that's making it so tough.

It was easy enough in the 1700s,

When the only kids that knew I was coming

Were the Dutch kids in Pennsylvania.

And they didn't expect much from me back then.

Those kids were so easy.

Right to bed after sundown without a peep.

All I'd do is show up and lay a few colored eggs.

None of the chocolate nonsense they expect today.

They'd have an empty nest made up all ready to fill.

Usually an upside-down hat or bonnet.

And it wasn't every kid that got the eggs, either.

Only the good ones.

I'd share lists with old Belsnickel so we were on the same page.

Back then, he used to hit the naughty ones with a switch,

But I think I softened him over the years.

Since he started wearing the red suit

He just brings the treats.

When word got out, though

All the other kids started expecting me to show up.

Naughty or nice, if I didn't leave something

I'd get the calls from angry parents.

And these kids expected a basket, too.

A new one every year!

Do you know how many baskets that is?

They use the same Christmas stocking

Why they can't keep their old Easter basket I'll never know.

The arthritis started flaring up in the mid 20th century.

Population had topped 100 million,

And frankly I just couldn't lay the eggs fast enough.

Imported extra from Mexico for a while

Until we got a fertilized batch.

What a media nightmare that was.

I switched back to domestic bunny eggs after that

Which was rough for a few years.

When those plastic eggs came along,

I tell you

I thought my problems were solved.

Cut back on the laying

Started stuffing those things with candy,

Which the kids liked better anyway.

Snapping all those eggs together

Really did a number on my knuckles, though.

The population quadrupled last century,

Does anybody appreciate this?

No - they just want bigger baskets

More chocolate, more jelly beans,

iPod gift cards... do you know how painful it is to lay one of those?

I just can't keep up any more.

Make your own baskets this year.

Lay your own colored eggs.

You'll see.

It's not as easy as it looks.