12/30 ACME to Wile E Coyote
Dear Mr. Coyote,
Thank you for your recent correspondence regarding the unfortunate mishap that occured in using our ACME rocket skates model #257663. We were sorry to hear that your first attempt to use the product resulted in the incineration of your fur and subsequent propulsion off the edge of a high, rocky outcrop. From your account of events, however, it would not appear that the product malfunctioned in any way.
On page 73b, subsection 9 in the PDF version of your user manual, which is available for download at our extensive website, you will note in the footnote section of the fine print that this novelty product is intended to be used by experienced professionals only on a closed course that is free of all physical hazards and flamable materials. In addition, your employment of the devices for hunting purposes does not fit within the stipulations of "entertainment purposes only." It is clear that your use of this product violated product use recommendations, thereby rendering the warranty and product satisfaction guarantee null and void. We regret that we can not refund your purchase price of 139 samoleons in this instance. We sincerely hope the upcoming skin grafts are successful. You have been a valued customer of our products since 1952, and we would hate to lose you as a customer. For your troubles and as a thank-you for your repeat business, we would like to extend a 20% price discount on your next purchase of a galvanized iron bear trap, size XL. Product #194726. Please remember to read the full version of the product manual before making use of any future ACME products. They are available for free download at ACME.com.
We look forward to continuing to fulfil your novelty product needs for years to come.
Sincerely,
Rod R. Unner
VP product liability evasion, ACME Inc.
Thank you for your recent correspondence regarding the unfortunate mishap that occured in using our ACME rocket skates model #257663. We were sorry to hear that your first attempt to use the product resulted in the incineration of your fur and subsequent propulsion off the edge of a high, rocky outcrop. From your account of events, however, it would not appear that the product malfunctioned in any way.
On page 73b, subsection 9 in the PDF version of your user manual, which is available for download at our extensive website, you will note in the footnote section of the fine print that this novelty product is intended to be used by experienced professionals only on a closed course that is free of all physical hazards and flamable materials. In addition, your employment of the devices for hunting purposes does not fit within the stipulations of "entertainment purposes only." It is clear that your use of this product violated product use recommendations, thereby rendering the warranty and product satisfaction guarantee null and void. We regret that we can not refund your purchase price of 139 samoleons in this instance. We sincerely hope the upcoming skin grafts are successful. You have been a valued customer of our products since 1952, and we would hate to lose you as a customer. For your troubles and as a thank-you for your repeat business, we would like to extend a 20% price discount on your next purchase of a galvanized iron bear trap, size XL. Product #194726. Please remember to read the full version of the product manual before making use of any future ACME products. They are available for free download at ACME.com.
We look forward to continuing to fulfil your novelty product needs for years to come.
Sincerely,
Rod R. Unner
VP product liability evasion, ACME Inc.
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posted by Christopher at 7:04 PM
The number of unmatched socks in this sock drawer is: 0. Add your own sock.
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