10/395 The Miracle of Life

In the 1870s
there was no sex education in schools
and unless a child happened to live on a farm
with the daily opportunity to casually observe livestock
in the throes of passion,
the mechanics and hazards of intercourse
were passed on only in hushed whispers,
parceled out along with healthy doses of rumor and old wives tales.
The only printed information at the time
came in the form of thick medical textbooks
rife with Latin terminology
unintelligible to child and adult alike.

As our nation urbanized and those
chance encounters with livestock became more rare
there came a doctor,
Edwin Bliss Foote
who published a series of books for children
unshrouding the mysteries of the human body:
Digestion,
Circulaiton,
Muscles,
The Nervous System,
and... the fifth book in the series, subtitled
"A Book for Private Reading."
This Victorian book series for children,
complete with detailed line drawings of... everything
(including capillaries, animated appliances, and a vagina with a music note tooting out of it)
 was, of course, entitled:,
"Sammy Tubbs, the Boy Doctor, and Sponsie, the Troublesome Monkey."


Dr. Foote, by all accounts, was a troublemaker,
having been served a $3500 fine in 1874
for violating the Comstock Act of 1873
by distributing in the mail
an instructional pamphlet on the employment
of "contraceptics" for limiting the size of the family.
And sent Susan B. Anthony a check for $25
after she was fined herself,
for daring to vote in New York.

Did I mention that Sammy Tubbs the Boy Doctor
was a gymnast?
an inquisitive young man whose research into anatomy
came often as a result of curious questions
spawned by his own misadventures
or those of Sponsie,
the Troublesome Monkey.

Did I also mention  Sammy Tubbs the Boy Doctor was black,
the 12-year-old son of freed slaves?

And did I also mention that in the fifth book
Sammy Tubbs' investigation into the reproductive system
Is immediately preceded by Sammy being accosted by
the father of a white girl he had been seen kissing,
followed by a lengthy diatribe on the relationship
between social equity and the future of inter-racial copulation.
In 1874.

Not to mention that Sponsie
was labeled a "Troublesome Monkey"
Just 15 years after publication
of the Origin of Species.

And so, by comparison,
it seems relatively innocuous that
on Groundhogs Day, 2012
I showed my 8th grade science students
who are studying the reproduction system
in cheap textbooks with full-color diagrams
a Emmy winning movie,
The Miracle of Life
Including the live birth part at the end.

I assured them ahead of time,
It would look nothing like pornography.
More like roadkill, in reality,
than anything they might have imagined.
I told them they could look away.

Oh, how they complained
And giggled
And commented that the trip through the inside of the urethra
looked a lot like the special effects on CSI.
And yet, they watched,
Really watched,
Complaining to mask their fascination,
Asking excellent questions concealed as jokes.
Even without a troublesome monkey for diversion.

I didn't inform the parents before showing their children a real vagina.
Probably, it would have been wise.
I may have also mentioned gay sex
and described how condoms are put on,
and how prostate exams are given,
and used the phrase "wiggle wiggle"
in a way that will make them unable to ever use that phrase normally again.

I'm just doing my job.
Which is really awkward.
And full of stilted commentary
During which anything I say will surely be misinterpreted
Accidentally, intentionally, or both.

There will surely be phone calls.
I will justify my decisions
hopefully well enough to appease the greatest concerns.
This will be the class these children talk about at the reunion
when they are middle aged
with kids of their own.

Finally
I've taught them something I can be sure
They'll remember.