17/30 Regret

To be fair,

As babies go,

You weren't the ugliest.

You were just an afterthought

Slightly large ears

Tiny swirl of hair on an otherwise bald head

Bright blue eyes that never blink

Cheeks that glow red

Not exactly Bride of Chucky

But not beautiful

You came home to our house with your little pink hat

Tiny baby bottle

Tiny syringe we never expected

We did not read the fine print

When our daughter first took your hand

You coughed, your sickly cough

The only sounds we ever heard you make

That dry, repeating cough

And the sound of your head

Clunking on each step

She loved you from the first moment

This surprised us

Two years as only child

And never once had she shown interest

In babies

Even as Mama's belly grew

And talk of a baby sister peppered daily conversation

But from that first moment

She wanted to hold you

Laughed when you coughed

Dragged you up and down the stairs by your foot.

Clunk, clunk, clunk

The first time it frightened us

Fearing it was her head on the stairs

We felt relief that it was only you

The $3.74 baby doll

From the 80% off clearance

Discounted toys that had not sold well

Pariahs of the retail world

Tired action figures from last year's summer blockbuster

Educational arcade games that no child would enjoy

The black-skinned Barbie dolls

Collecting dust on New Hampshire shelves

And you,

The smiling, sickly baby.

Molded plastic head and limbs

Stuffed cloth torso hiding an internal battery pack

Had I looked once at the box,

Beyond the red price tag

Noticed the plastic syringe

The plastic injection port sewn into your backside

I would have thought twice.

She had other babies

Soft and cute

Never took an interest

Beyond arranging them on shelves among countless stuffed animals

But you she loved

Like she loved her baby sister

You made her feel special

She could change your diaper, just like Mommy

Watched and imitated maternal care

Changed and swaddled you ten times an hour

Even lifted her shirt to feed you

We'd thrown away the syringe

You sleep in her bed now

With you there. she is not anxious

We know your voice

cough, cough

It reassures us that our child is well