18/365 Parents Hate the Science Fair

Of all the things that parents hate
and their children absolutely love,
and there are many such things,
that among the top contenders
one would not expect to find
the school science fair.

And yet
the mere mention of the event
it would seem
strikes panic into the hearts
of well-intentioned moms and dads
sends up a chorus of groaning
during parent night forums,
and fills my inbox with angry assertions,
demands, and thinly veiled threats.

One would think I was asking
for rocket science,
expecting these 4-week projects
to win the X Prize
reinvent the wheel
free us from dependence on fosil fuels
and render the Hadron collider irrelevant.
In reality,
they are watering sunflower seeds with orange juice
burying Sun Chips wrappers in th vegetable garden
and using mirror-lined bowls to cook hot dogs on a sunny day.

They could do most of this without assistance
if only their parents would let them.
The stress comes from these parents,
the expectations of grandeur
the dread that comes at the thought
that the kid at the next table
might have done a better job
and will be on display
for the neighbors,
the other parents,
and everyone to know.
The parents insist the stress
comes from me.

It is not the science
that is at issue
it is the public nature of the fair
the need to look better than the Joneses
hide the flaws in their lives
the embarrassment that they can not recall
the scientific method
the function of lenses
keep any shred from being fodder
for the gossip mill.
God forbid that we challenge our children
Encourage independence
Or allow the perception that some children
are actually better at something
than others.

They look at their child and see failure
do most of the project for them
then try to make it look like they didn't.
They think I don't know.
They think I'm somehow out to get them.
Both are ridiculous.
If they keep complaining the way they do, though...
I will be.