Pull up your pants

Pull.
Up.
Your.
Pants!

Pull them UP.
Up.
Good, now do that again, only keep them there this time.
To your waist,
No, your waist.
Your *other* waist,
No, not THAT high.
We don't want to see your...
Do you even know where your waist is?
Simple anatomy, child - do you see those protruding hip bones?
The waist is the area above them
Between those bones and your ribs
No, I'm not joking:
Go ahead and Google it!
Right after you pull up your...
Do you even own a belt?
At home?
Several, you say?
You know, they only work if you wear them.

Do not tell me to "chillax"
It's not a word.
And if it was I would be prevented from doing so
By the sight of your protruding underpants.
Yes, I recognize you're not naked.
But it's called UNDERwear for a reason.
Pull them UP.
There, now hold them.
Would you like a safety pin?
Yes, I'm serious.
Don't I look like I'm serious?
Just do it. You will thank me some day.
When I was your age, I grew a mullet.
I know what it is to regret.

Put.
Away.
Your cell phone.
Away.
As in "Away."
Not on the corner of the desk. Away.
And don't even give me that line about waiting for a text from "your mother"
You're in the middle of class,
A detail of which she is well aware,
And the great thing about text messages is
They are actually saved, right on your phone!
And they'll still be there for you to look at when the bell rings.
Sure, you can go to the bathroom - right now, even.
You've already wasted class time. What's a few minutes more?
Just leave the phone here.
Yes I'm serious.
It will be safe. I'll hold onto it for you
And you can go.
Right after you
pull.
up.
your.
pants.